DDABFAE9-276A-4FA3-8661-72E522A97826.jpegWhen my grandfather died I was nine years old; I was young but I wouldn’t say that I was too young to not really understand death. Actually, I probably understood it too well. My grandfather had been ill for quite sometime; he had a stroke that paralyzed him on the left side of his body, and while I do wish that wasn’t that case, because I don’t believe I got to know him— not as well as I would have liked to— but I did know that he was a very strong and prideful man. I spent a lot of time as a child thinking about the things I would’ve never gotten away with if he wasn’t bedridden. I can’t imagine what it was like for him to no longer be able to take care of us, let alone himself. I knew then that I’d never wish to be ill in that manner. I was saddened by having a grandfather who was confined to a bed in a room, unable to do the bare minimum for himself. He wasn’t even able to talk and ask others for help; just grunts of frustration. I felt so sorry for him and wanted nothing more but for him to be at peace.

I remember sitting on my mother’s bed with her and my sister, in our two bedroom apartment at Highland Enclave. At the time It had only been three years since we moved to Atlanta from Connecticut. At some point within those years our family had moved to Atlanta too, but for a more temporary period of time. I’m not sure exactly when they left and returned to Connecticut but I don’t think it was much longer after them settling back there that my mother, sister, and I were just happily in her bed— I say happily because, although very vaguely, I remember my mother laughing— then, the phone rung. I’m not sure if it’s just my recollection of how things happened but the ringing of the phone was accompanied by the most dispiriting aura. I was able to see the fear within my mother as she answered— honestly, I don’t believe whomever unfortunate enough to have had to call actually said anything, verbally, anyway— but my mother was so…… dismayed. For awhile she sat silently, as if her brain was trying to process what she had already so deeply felt. The dispiriting atmosphere quickly became sorrowful and as the call ended my moms sadness built up and it was followed by her tears. She tried her best to contain herself but her cries quickly turned into her weeping and achingly repeating “my daddy.” My sister was also crying at this point but the only thing I was able to do was rub their backs, trying to comfort them as best I can, and remind them that it’ll all be okay. I was sad, of course, but not like them and for awhile I felt guilty but at nine years old I didn’t understand what it was that I felt. I definitely didn’t understand my emotions enough to articulate them. I didn’t know how to say- I prefer his peace over his presence- so as a child I was convinced that I didn’t love my grandfather. I didn’t understand why there was a disconnect but I hated myself for it. Thankfully, as I matured I was able to gain a different understanding of love, life, and death. Coming to terms with death didn’t seem as complicated and I was thankful to no longer hold on to the sadness I felt within. I was grateful not to experience another death that hit so close to home for such a long time but I still always reminded myself that:

 “Death is apart of life so be that as it may, I’ll never prefer the suffering of a loved one.”

I guess it never occurred to me that I might experience the death of a loved one in any way other than old age, or natural causes but on November 3rd, 2016, I got the most unexpected phone call I ever thought I’d get. Shani, my best friend of 10 years, called me and asked me if someone died— did someone die?— Imagine randomly receiving a call so vaguely frightening; I considered getting up out of my bed and counting the people in my household because of how bizarre the question was— I answered no but was very confused because she clearly knew something that I didn’t. I knew that her asking me was her way of telling me that someone I knew had died, and I guess me saying ‘no’ was my way of trying to avoid the inevitable. At the time it didn’t cross my mind that she had approached me so differently than any other time we’ve talked about the death of a former classmate because she knew that, for me, this wasn’t another classmate. -You sure?- her response left me so unsettled and at this point my anxiety peaked. My confusion left me and her on the phone talking in circles— idk DID someone die?— Eventually, she told me that she had been on Facebook and saw a status from a former classmate of ours that read RIP Bari. Instantly I felt a little relieved because I just knew that it couldn’t have been my Jabari. It was way to unbelievable to fathom. Bari? Not Jabari, not the Jabari I’ve known since middle school. I really couldn’t have imagined it being the same boy I shared endless memories with as we grew to be young adults. Not the Jabari I spoke to a few weeks ago about the next time I’d see him because it had been way too long. Couldn’t have been the same Jabari who, when I had nowhere to go, slept in a car with me in the dead of winter. I was genuinely convinced that I had no reason to be worried; he was way too good a person to no longer be here.

– He’s too loved too pure too genuine –

I confidently assured Shani that her concern for my Jabari was misplaced because ‘Jabari was just on snap somewhere lit for Halloween.’ My phone call with Shani ended and I needed to call Jabari and see what the hell was going on; he didn’t answer. I wouldn’t say that I was truly convinced but I was a lot less sure as I logged into Facebook to see if I could find the status Shani was referring to.

“NOOOOOO not my little brother😢 RIP BARI”

A picture of Jabari, my Jabari, followed that post made by his sister— I never knew that heartbreak could be more than a figure of speech—

I felt pain in ways I didn’t know were possible and for a while I was consumed by sadness. I can still feel the absence of his presence within the world.

A year ago today I lost a friend, a great friend. It was nothing like my first experience with death. I didn’t see it coming, I didn’t get to come to to terms or cope with reality. It wasn’t something I expected; I was barely able to believe it. It’s more than true that you hear about tragedies and empathize with others, but you never really imagine what it would be like to have a friend to call on one day and the next found out that he was taken, unjustly. I spent a lot of time this year trying to make sense of murder. Trying to understand what reason could be good enough to take a son, a brother, a uncle, a friend. Why cause someone this never ending agony of guilt. Today, more than ever I feel guilty that It’s been a year; a year in which I still took life for granted, made mistakes, and failed to appreciate being able to do anything my mind can think of. All the while he’s been gone. I can’t think of many people who might deserve to die but I can’t think of anyone more than Jabari who deserved to live. It’s been particularly hard for me to “move on” because this isn’t and will never be a situation I can accept. I’ll never be able to come to terms with death by murder and I’ll never be able to understand why good people are subjected to such a horrible ending. However, I’ve learned that I’ll have questions that’ll go unanswered and that is okay. Some answers will never suffice and some things just are. I found myself in a lot of situations this year that helped me learn to accept that life is just what you choose to take from the things that happen. Good and bad are just merely a perception and how you perceive things is a reflection of your insecurities. No one is anything more than how they choose to deal with how they feel, and right now I️ feel empty, confused and lost. I’ve been my worst self.

– Sade Elder 

Shared with you today, written on November 3, 2017.



One day I’ll be able to thank them…

… for abandoning me. But today, today ain’t the day.

Dealing with heartbreak is hard. It never gets light on the heart. It never gets easier. It never becomes more familiar as we age and continue to go through experiences. In fact, it starts to sting a little more each time — because each time you think it’ll be different, you think this person won’t be the same. But then, you’re met with the harsh reality that you’re hurt. There’s pain. In my case, there’s the feeling of abandonment.

Abandonment. What does that even mean? Abandonment means (1) to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert & (2) to give up; discontinue; withdraw from.

Abandonment sucks… but in a way, you aren’t alone. You’re left with nothing but what was… the memories, the videos, the pictures, the scent. Sadly, coming across those things reminds you that you were – left.

Not once, but twice… twice in one day I was abandoned – by two of the most important people to me, two people I loved the most. I had to stop myself from become the third time’s charm.

I never thought a day would come where I’d know a life without them. I never thought I would have to. That was my mistake. But I’ll have to thank them, just not quite yet.

One day I’ll be able to thank them. I’ll have to thank them for making me realize that I had myself this entire time… that the only love I needed was my own… that the only person I needed was myself. One day I’ll be able to thank them for showing me that self-love was the center of everything – the route to my happiness. One day I’ll be able to thank them for seeing the me I always was, but too afraid to be. I want to believe I was too much for them. I know the truth is that I was too much for myself. I was excessive but still coming up short on all expectations – I was overcompensating. While trying to hold y’all up, I was breaking myself down. I hate that y’all had to leave me for me to realize this. One day I’ll be able to thank y’all for leaving because you took away the fear – there was nothing left to fear after being faced with abandonment.

It’s still a harsh reality that people who don’t comeback never return – that people who leave never wanted to stay. It’s a harsh reality when you only wish they’d be here to see me through. I only wish they hadn’t said, I’m through.

One day I’ll be able to thank them.

But today, today ain’t the day. Today I’m filled with sadness, but empty at heart – I’m heartbroken.

But one day I’ll be able to thank them.

It’s 1:27 AM, and these are my thoughts…

One Year Later – Remembering Pulse

Saturday, June 11, 2016
I have a faint memory of this day.
I remember being with one of my girls.
We wanted to have a good night out.
So we went to this little hookah spot she knew.
I didn’t like the atmosphere, but I liked being with her.
I always did. I always do.
The night ended early for us.
We went back to the hotel to chill.
We were in Charlotte, North Carolina.
I had no clue that my world back home was being attacked.

Sunday, June 12, 2016
The morning after… that feeling was one I will never forget.
I remember turning on the news and seeing my city –
Orlando had a shooting. Orlando had a shooting at a gay club.
Orlando had a shooting at the club my girl was going to be at.
I checked my phone.
I had missed calls + missed texts from my family & friends.
None of that mattered.
I was only concerned with whether or not my girl was OK.
Finding out that she was OK was the biggest relief.
That’s really all I remember.

The First Months That Followed
It was hard.
It wasn’t hard because I lost a friend.
It wasn’t hard because I lost a brother or a sister.
It wasn’t hard because I lost a child.
It wasn’t hard because I lost a significant other.
It was hard because someone –
Someone attacked my community.

If you can think back, last year was a rough time.
There was a hashtag every week of a black life lost.
That was hard to see but it was easier to stomach.
Those shootings were happening outside of my backyard.
But this –
This was in my backyard.
This was in my safe place.
I thought Orlando was safe.
It wasn’t.

I was sad.
I was mad.
I was hurt.
I was angry.
I was scared.

I questioned everything.

Was I safe in my skin?
Was I safe in my sexuality?
What else was going to be taken from me?

I was shook.
I was shocked.
And I wasn’t in the club.
I wasn’t even in Orlando that night.

Despite everything, I was surprised at the amount of support.
We were supported from the outside –
Foreign nations + our own country.
The best part about it all –
Orlando united together.
We were strong.
We were one.

Monday, June 12, 2017
Here we are… one year later.
Heaven gained 49 angels one year ago.
It is hard to believe that this is reality.
It’s hard turning on the news –
Seeing what devastated a city, a community, a nation.

Today, we are still healing.
Today, we are still remembering –
Remembering the lives lost but the impact and memories left.

Today, we are thankful for the survivors.
Today, we are thankful for the progress.
Today, we spread peace.
Today, we spread love.

Today – and tomorrow –
We are #OrlandoUnited.

In loving memory of
Stanley Almodovar III, 23 years old
Amanda L. Alvear, 25 years old
Oscar A. Aracena Montero, 26 years old
Rodolfo Ayala Ayala, 33 years old
Antonio Davon Brown, 29 years old
Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 years old
Angel Candelario-Padro, 28 years old
Juan Chavez Martinez, 25 years old
Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old
Cory James Connell, 21 years old
Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 years old
Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 years old
Simón Adrian Carrillo Fernández, 31 years old
Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 years old
Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26 years old
Peter Ommy Gonzalez Cruz, 22 years old
Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 years old
Paul Terrell Henry, 41 years old
Frank Hernandez, 27 years old
Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old
Javier Jorge Reyes, 40 years old
Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old
Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 years old
Anthony Luis Laureano Disla, 25 years old
Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 years old
Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 years old
Brenda Marquez McCool, 49 years old
Gilberto R. Silva Menendez, 25 years old
Kimberly Jean Morris, 37 years old
Akyra Monet Murray, 18 years old
Luis Omar Ocasio Capo, 20 years old
Geraldo A. Ortiz Jimenez, 25 years old
Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 years old
Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old
Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 years old
Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old
Jean Carlos Nieves Rodríguez, 27 years old
Xavier Emmanuel Serrano-Rosado, 35 years old
Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 years old
Yilmary Rodríguez Solivan, 24 years old
Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34 years old
Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old
Martin Benitez Torres, 33 years old
Jonathan A. Camuy Vega, 24 years old
Juan Pablo Rivera Velázquez, 37 years old
Luis Sergio Vielma, 22 years old
Franky Jimmy DeJesus Velázquez, 50 years old
Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 years old
Jerald Arthur Wright, 31 years old

With love,

You can read more about how the Pulse victims are remembered here. ❤

If you or anyone you know has been impacted by this or is still dealing with this tragedy, reach out and get help. You are not alone! There is help for you.



Becoming Powerful Beyond Measure

The space I am in is foreign; this space is new. I feel free. I’m intrigued by who I am and interested in who I was & who I want to be. What better time than now? I wanted to challenge myself, but not force myself by doing too much. I also wanted to be able to document my thoughts today, so that I could look back months from now to see my growth. That really was how I came to start this blog. So, I did a google search and came across an article, 50 Questions for Self-Discovery.

When you know yourself, you are empowered.
When you accept yourself, you are invincible.
– Tina Lifford

When I read that, I instantly said, “challenge accepted.” For 50 days (from June 1st to July 20th), I am going to blog every day – EVERY SINGLE DAY! I’m hoping this will be good for me. I’m enjoying this journey of self-discovery, and I’m loving that I grow more in love every day.

By clicking the question, it will take you directly to that post – assuming that I’ve answered it. Hopefully you all will enjoy learning about me along with me. 

And with that, I also challenge you. Pick a question. Share your answer with me in the comments.

  1. What do I like about myself?
  2. What would I like to change about myself?
  3. Am I more positive or negative in my speech?
  4. What am I grateful for? Do I express my thankfulness?
  5. What are qualities of a good listener? Do I have these qualities?
  6. Who inspires me? What qualities do these people have?
  7. Do I see my relationships as successful? Why or why not?
  8. Am I open-minded? Judgmental?
  9. What do I fear? How can I overcome my fear(s)?
  10. Name some of the closest people to you. How do they affect you?
  11. What do I really want to do? Am I doing that?
  12. Am I  physically healthy? In what ways am I healthy or unhealthy?
  13. Am I emotionally healthy? How am I healthy or unhealthy?
  14. Am I mentally healthy? In what ways am I healthy or unhealthy?
  15. Am I spiritually healthy? In what ways am I healthy or unhealthy?
  16. Do I laugh? Do I enjoy life? How can experience more enjoyment?
  17. What do I believe about God?
  18. What do I believe about death and life after death?
  19. Does everything happen for a reason?
  20. What am I proud of achieving?
  21. What is a positive memory that stands out from childhood?
  22. What is a positive memory that stands out from adulthood?
  23. What is a negative memory that stands out from childhood? What has it taught me about myself?
  24. What is a negative memory that stands out from adulthood? What has it taught me?
  25. Do I see myself as successful?
  26. Do I like what I look like? Why? Why not?
  27. What is something I am ashamed of? How can I deal with this?
  28. Am I reliable? How so or not so?
  29. Am I a good friend? How so or not so?
  30. What do I regret? How can I deal with this?
  31. How do I feel about money?
  32. Am I a giver or a taker?
  33. Do I care about what others are thinking about me?
  34. Do I easily forgive or hold a grudge?
  35. Do I speak up or go along with the crowd?
  36. If I had unlimited funds what would I be doing?
  37. If I had millions of dollars, how would I spend it?
  38. If I only had 6 months to live, how would I spend my time?
  39. What and who makes me happy?
  40. What is something that I want to do but have not done?
  41. Do I get things done or do I procrastinate or even give up?
  42. Do I trust my intuition?
  43. What are some important things I have learned in life?
  44. What are my goals and dreams?
  45. Where/how would I like to see myself in a year? 10 years?
  46. What are my talents? Am I utilizing them? How can I use them more?
  47. What was the hardest time of my life? How has that affected me?
  48. Do I feel blessed? How and why or why not?
  49. Do I live in the present moment? Live in the past? Future?
  50. Is there something I am running from? Is it time to face it?

And the journey continues on… 


It’s not giving up. It’s starting over. 

Starting over… Starting over…

Honestly… This post has taken me the longest to write because I am the least familiar with this concept. I thought this would be the easiest, but then I realized that this process looks different for everyone. However, I do know that a big part of this is truly letting go and moving on.

Personally, I don’t think I ever really started over after my past relationships ended. I sort of slid into a new relationship, without taking time for myself which is how I came to lose myself more and more. With each relationship I entered, I never really let go of the pain I felt- the pain I also caused, so I held that old pain against the person I was interested in. That caused so many issues trying to build because my walls were so high. I ended up creating problems in my head. It was like I waited for them to do something wrong. Well, not anymore… This time is different. ❤

Before I continue, I want to make it clear that just because you are starting over does not mean you are giving up. This is super important to your success in starting over.

  • Know that everything in your life doesn’t have to change. Usually people associate starting over with wiping the slate clean, but in fact, that’s not the case. You can still enjoy that Chinese spot; you can still enjoy your favorite snacks and a movie; you can still enjoy that walk around the lake. Granted these things are different because they no longer are accompanied by your partner in crime, but that doesn’t mean you cannot create good memories associated with those things alone.
  • Try to try new things. It might be hard to start over because you might not know where to begin. You can start by trying to remember what made you happy before you entered that relationship. By digging into the past, you can retrieve some of those old passions and hobbies that you’ve been putting off. You can also try new things… join a club, start up a blog, take class. Implementing new things into your routine is a good step to taking control of your life.
  • Get ahead of the game. Sometimes we fall off after a relationship fails and it could be hard to start over. With the newfound time you have, fill it with meaningful things, productive work. Be intentional. Don’t limit yourself to finding a new diet or getting into the gym more often. Plan for your next stages in life- career, living situation, etc. Get moving… get started.
  • It might not feel like it, but you are not alone. Rediscovering your independence can seem quite scary in the beginning. Just remember that by having the right attitude and right people in your life, you will get to it. Share with trusted loved ones who know what you have been through and can be a positive support system. Be vulnerable.

Dating Specifics |

  • My  first piece of advice is wait to date. Before you begin another relationship, get closure from your previous one. It is important to take time to figure out why that relationship didn’t work and to understand your role in the problem. By doing this, you can make sure that you don’t make that mistake again.
  • Understand that dating is a learning process. Once you have made the choice to dive back into dating, it is important to know that it won’t be smooth sailing. You’ll go on dates. You’ll either be really into them, or they might be really into you. You might have to break a heart a little. You risk getting hurt. So, it can be uncomfortable, yes. So, while dating, it is important that you also learn to  be comfortable being alone.
  • Do not fixate on dating. Focus on yourself. This is hard. It’s hard to go from having someone to talk to everyday to not having that one person anymore. However, if you try feeling this void because you feel like you need to, you risk becoming dependent on the person. And that, that my dear is a recipe for disaster. Everything you need is within you.
  • As you begin to date, listen to how they talk about past relationships. How someone talks about their past relationships is how they will talk and think about you. If they constantly blame their ex and never take ownership, that can be a red flag. It is important to listen and pay attention to what they learned from their past relationships, what they learned about themselves as well.

Whether you are looking for friendships or relationships, take your time, pay attention, enjoy the process.

Let me know how you start over after a relationship down below in the comments.


Phase 1 Complete. Next Phase: Moving On

Now, what’s harder than letting go?

You guessed it – moving on.

Moving on is not an easy process at all. It can be quite scary to actually come to terms that you have let go and are no longer looking back… And I’m sure we all wish it was just as simple as putting the past behind us, forgetting it ever happened, getting over it, and just looking forward to what’s to come in the future. Well… issa no. These steps may help to move on, but there is so much more to it.

For me, no matter how much I wanted to put the past behind me, it seemed to always linger in the back of my mind. Ultimately, it affected the way I viewed my friendships, relationships, myself; it affected my thoughts, decisions, and even my actions. It wasn’t until I was able to think consciously and with an open mind that I was able to come to realizations that made it easier to move on. This for me was extremely hard because it meant that I had to disconnect with my feelings and my pride.

I think the most important thing to remember is that moving on takes time, probably more time than you think. Because trust that there is a significant difference in thinking that you have moved on and actually having moved on. Knowing the difference makes all the difference.

I’m no expert (like at all) because I just realized that I’m still in this process, but here are some steps I’ve used to help move on. *Disclaimer: These steps are in no particular order, and they aren’t meant to be crossed off the list. Each step is a step in the right direction.

  1. Let go of your baggage. Acknowledge how you felt, accept it, and then let go of those old feelings.
  2. Recognize that he/she may not be “the one.”
  3. Gain closure from him/her.
  4. Forgive him or her.
  5. Cut the line of communication and cut the amount of contact with him/her.
  6. Know that there is nothing wrong with you… or him/her.
  7. Share how you are really feeling with people close to you.
  8. Do things you enjoy.
  9. Meet new people.
  10. Love yourself the way you want to be loved.

So now I leave you with this…

When moving on, what helped you?
How did it help ease the way to starting over?

Share your comments, personal stories, tips & advice below.


To the Life of My Love, this one is for you.

Unconditional love.

What is it?

“Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations or love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism or complete love.”

When do we first experience it?

I can’t speak for everyone here, but I know when I first experienced unconditional love.
It was January 3rd, 1996 – my birthday.
Twenty one years ago, my mother laid eyes on me, and I’m sure she knew then that she would love me unconditionally, forever. I didn’t know it then, but I know now that the feeling is mutual from me towards her.

Now I’m sure we all know how it is growing up with your parents, specifically with my mom in this case.

When I was 10, it was, “I love you mommy!”

When I was 14, it was, “Mom you’re annoying.”

When I was 18, it was, “I’m ready to leave the house.”

As I sit her at 21, it is, “Mom, you were right.”

As I get older around 30, it’ll be, “Forgive me, mom.”

By the time I’m 50 (I feel this already), it’ll be, “I don’t want to lose my mom!”

I swear growing up where you and your mom are close with that bestfriend is great, until you two bump heads. I had some trying moments with my mom because I mirror her in almost every way. (These moments even got me kicked out from time to time.) That’s both good and bad, but it did make for some interesting power struggles and times of growth.  I may not have like the way in which my mother choice to parent me back then, but today I am so grateful for it and for her. I wouldn’t change a thing in the world.

My mother set the standard for how to be fearless, strong, and independent.

My mother showed me how to be a respected young, black female.

My mother set an exceptional example for having strong academics and to never give up on yourself despite the odds.

My mother showed forgiveness. (Lord, forgive me for all the times I raised my mom’s blood pressure. I know growing up I disrespected my mom too many times, but she always forgave me. I’m so thankful for that.)

My mother gave me a shoulder to cry on, she gave me support. (This year started off rough. I needed my mom, and when I called at 2AM, she was right there to comfort me, and not once did she say, “I told you so.” I know she probably wanted to because a black mother’s intuition is never wrong and she had tried to warn me before, but she didn’t. I mean we laugh about it now, but in that moment, she was everything I needed.

My mother showed me unconditional love. From the time I took my first breath to the time she takes her last, I know my mom has showed me and will continue to show me unconditional love.

So today, I honor you.

Everything that you do,
You do it with love.
Words can’t describe how special you are-
A true gift, a blessing from above.

With all of me, from the center of my heart,
I want to say,
I love you mom.
Happy Mother’s Day!


Welcome to Part One: Letting Go

Truly trusting and letting go is one of the hardest things we can do. In fear, we tend to hold onto things that we shouldn’t – our past experiences, our expectations, our pain…

It’s time to realize that you, the people in your life, as well as the world are changing. Just because something was right for you at one point in your life doesn’t mean that it still is. As you start to spend more time with yourself, you start to realize what you want in life and hopefully from there you start to make lifestyle changes.

“But how do I know that it’s time to let go?”

 If someone is starting to negatively affect you, then it’s time to let go. The people you spend time with impact who you are and who you become.

 If you have outgrown someone, then it’s time to let go. As sad and hurtful as this can be, it’ll be more detrimental to hold onto that relationship or friendship. I can promise you that from experience.

 If you are no longer happy with your current situation or your goals have changed, then it’s time to let go.  What was right for you at one point may not be right now. And that’s okay. That only means you’re growing.

If you continue to relive the past, then it’s time to let go. By continuing to relive your past, you create a mental space that doesn’t allow for you to experience something new, something fun, something worth while.

If you are holding onto a grudge, let it go. Holding on to feelings of anger, hatred, or resentment will not only keep you from moving forward, but also block future blessings and opportunities coming your way.

If you are letting fear guide your life, then it’s time to let go of whatever you fear. A major key of letting go and moving on is facing your fears to allow your spirit to be free.

If you are no longer learning, then it’s time to let go. Living life is all about learning, so if you aren’t learning, then what is life.

“But how do I actually let go?”

If you don’t take anything else away, take this… DISTANCE yourself. Distancing yourself is a key to this entire process. By taking steps away from the situation, it can provide you a sense of clarity. While distancing yourself, take a break, maybe find something new, and then go back to the situation. There’s a big difference between never leaving a situation and returning where you left off.

Do not waste your energy on things you cannot change. Focus your energy on what can actually be changed.  Understanding that some things are not meant to be changed is important. If you find that you can’t change something, then change the way you think about it. Reframing your thoughts will be the second most important thing with letting go.

It is so easy yet irresponsible of ourselves to look around for someone or a situation to blame for our own stress and suffering. Accept things for what they are and be thankful for them, and claim full control of your life. By letting go you are being thankful for the experiences both good and bad because you are now allowing that experience to teach you. By accepting things, you not only accept the past, the present, but also accept the new possibilities and opportunities destined for you. Accepting the circumstances surrounding your life allow you to regain control because at the end of the day, no one is responsible for you, but you. You are in full control of your life. You hold the most power in your life. Remember, all decisions must go through you. 

Yesterday is a thing of the past. Focus on today. Try something new. Switch up your scenery and the people around you. You can decide at any moment that you no longer want the past to interfere with the present or your future. You can decide at any moment to try something new. You can decide at any moment that the company you keep has overstayed their welcome. The choice is yours…

So I leave you with this…

What are you not letting go that’s holding you back?
What steps do you need to take in order to move on

Share your thoughts down below in the comments. 



Words I Wish Someone Had Told Me

We have all been there,
A place where we’re just lost,
A place where the hurting never seems to end,
A place where you don’t know where to go,
A place where you don’t know what to do next.
We might even become frustrated with ourselves.
It seems as if nothing we do is right,
But only a step further in the wrong direction.
We have all been here.

Well I have some words for you,
Words I wish someone told me.

It’s okay to not be okay.
It’ll hurt now,
But time-
Time heals all wounds.
Know your worth.
You have been through so much,
It’s your time to be happy.
It’s time to take care of yourself.
Not all is lost,
All is to gain from this pain.
You deserve happiness.
You deserve the love you give to others,
You deserve genuine love,
You deserve unconditional love.
Words are great,
But actions speak louder.
Don’t settle for people who say they care.
You deserve people who show you care.
You’re beautiful.
You’re strong.
There’s no need to compare your life to those around you,
You’re exactly who and where God wants you to be.
Have faith in Him.
Have trust in Him.
Take your time,
You’re worth the wait.
Be free from negativity.
Only surround yourself and involve yourself with positivity,
Vibes, thoughts, actions, people.
Everyday is yet another chance to try again;
Because not to spoil the ending for you,
But everything is going to be okay.



You know how you hear people say to pray when things are bad? Then that is usually followed up with someone telling you that it is important to not only pray when things are bad, but also when things are good. I have recently learned that is the same thing with counseling. Counseling isn’t just for those who need it badly, but it could just mean you’re going to take care of your mental health with a check-in, almost like going to the doctor twice a year.

I’ve recently started going back to counseling, and I wasn’t sure of how I felt about it in the beginning because I felt so guarded towards my counselor, but this past session was really good for me. We talked about forgiveness.

She asked me, “What is something you have had to forgive in order to move on in life?”

I really had to sit and think on this one… Forgiveness does not mean that what happened to you, or what someone did to you is OK. Forgiveness simply means that you are no longer going to let what happened, or what someone did hurt you and hinder your happiness. Forgiveness does not come just because an apology was made, or acknowledgment was given. Forgiveness comes when you realize that your soul deserves peace.

I think one of the hardest things to do is actually forgive and leave that situation in the past, but I think harder than that is forgiving yourself. 

I know for me personally it’s hard for me to forgive myself. It’s hard knowing that I’ve done things in my past that I’m not proud of; I don’t regret anything because I learn from reflecting on my experiences, but in some cases, I wish I knew then what I know now.

What is really hard about this is coming to terms with the fact that only myself and God know my heart. With that I have also had to learn that when God forgives, it’s more simple. He doesn’t hold that situation against you. He also doesn’t take love away from you when you’ve done something bad; you don’t have to earn His love, He loves you just as you are.

That has been one of my biggest hurdles to get across because I have been afraid to admit to my wrongs thinking that He wouldn’t be able to forgive me. Not only that, I have also been afraid to admit to my wrongs because I have been scared that when I do take a look on everything, I won’t be able to forgive myself…

I don’t want to not be able to forgive myself, but righting your wrongs starts from within, with forgiving you, right?